I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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