the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
