I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
