Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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