He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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