I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
