I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
