This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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