No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize