I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
