i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
