Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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