Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize