You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
