Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
