The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
