the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
