you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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