guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
