Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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