No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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