If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
