??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
