My underwear smells like fireworks.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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