So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
