i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize