We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
