her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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