I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
