Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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