I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
