Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize