Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
