Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
