u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
