I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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