she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
