I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
