sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
