SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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