i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
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