office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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