I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
