If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
