I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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