The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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