did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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