No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
