I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
don't judge my taste in strippers
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
