Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize