Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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