Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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