This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize