I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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