yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
