my vag is so smooth its legendary
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
