My liver just broke up with me...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
