At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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