for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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