Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
