I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
