It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
