Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
