I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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