if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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