If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
