My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
