So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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