Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
