Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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