I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Enjoy the penises
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
