and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
