im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
