i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
farters have to be the big spoon...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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