I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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