Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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