Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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