fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I think my moral compass just broke
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
